Change, the Future, and Growing Up.

      It seems as though within the last week there has been so much talk about the future. There are weddings, college decision making, and ends of school years, graduations, and the end of exchanges. I can't help but be completely freaked out at by whatever the future has in store for me. Now is the time. My exchange is nearly over and I'll have to say goodbye to my life here and jump right back into my other life, back in Ohio. And it's not even that I'm not looking forward to going home, because when I get to see everyone again, hug my grandparents, play with my dog, sleep in my own bed, drive my car, and sing at the top of my lungs without a single care in the world, I will be ecstatic. I think I am just living in so much fear at the moment, which isn't usually my style. It's almost as though I am afraid of the fear that I am experiencing in my life. I am so afraid to say goodbye to my six amazing best friends here in Pamplona. I know we'll all be together again, but when? I am so afraid to choose a major and answer people when they ask me what my goals are. What I want "to be." At this moment in my life the best response I can provide them with is, "Well I want to see the world. I want to understand other cultures, other ways of life, and embrace the moment and use my knowledge and experience to help others in need." Okay. So I have that. But where does that lead me? To extremely expensive plane tickets and weeks off from school/work? But then I think, well I want a family. I want a family just as badly. Is there a happy medium? When someone hands you the map of your life, which direction do you choose? What if I want to go Northeast and Southwest at the same time?
     I really thought that this year would give me the time to think and I would have my life plans all figured out by now. Who was I kidding? I have had all the time in the world to think, but this has just made me expand my horizons even wider and think of all the other possibilities. I don't know why I am freaking out so much. But I had to get this out of my system. It feels good to release all this fear and just embrace the moment. I'll make the critical decisions as they come up in my life. All I know is that right now my map is pointing to Pamplona for an evening with three of my best friends.